26 January

Personal Prompt: Describe a time when someone treated you poorly. Looking back at the situation, is there a way you would have liked to respond to express how you were feeling?
I was treated very poorly in my last job. Not all the time – just at the very end. In fact the one time I was treated very poorly, I resigned immediately after. And have been unemployed ever since. Until today 😀 Just got a new job. Anyway – I digress…
At the time, I was highly emotional. I felt like I was in shock. That my supervisor would sit on (incorrect) information about me for a month, and say nothing to me, and to talk about me behind my back to other staff members, just appalled me. That someone I have known for 15 years would consider that incorrect information to be true and to consider me unethical and irresponsible and unprofessional really shocked me. When we sat down to discuss, I just became so emotional so quickly I couldn’t respond appropriately. I burst into tears and was laughed at. It was awful. In hindsight how would I do it differently? I’m not sure… I did write an email the following day outlining exactly how I was feeling and why I thought his behaviours and responses were inappropriate and insulting. I would like to have been able to articulate all that at the time. Instead I ended up sitting on the floor in the staff toilet cutting myself. I would like to have stronger emotional fortitude to say that no, he was wrong, and to demand an apology or at least acknowledgment that I was right and he was wrong. To say to his face all the things I said in the email – I felt professionally maligned and personally insulted. His behaviour was unethical, immature and unprofessional. Not something one expects from the head of a department.
Creative Prompt: You receive a mysterious phone call. What does the caller on the other line say, and how do you react?
I received a mysterious phone call today! Well – at least it was a phone call I wasn’t expecting, from a phone number that wasn’t recognised in my phone.
The “mysterious” caller is my new boss. And instead of saying something like, “Hi! You got the job!” He said, “Sorry to ring on a public holiday, but I know you said you could start straight away, are you free tomorrow!” Which I interpret to mean I have the job!! So I reacted with a grin from ear to ear and texted all my friends and family immediately. So if I get there tomorrow and he meant something completely different I’ll be very embarrassed… However I’m confident he meant I got the job 🙂
He said we need to sit down and chat about how things run and what I’ll be doing etc. And hopefully we’ll chat about terms – like money and holidays etc. I also need to immediately negotiate time off – which I feel a bit bad about! However I have a trip booked to Melbourne at the start of April, and I was planning on going camping with a friend. And these things are very important to me! I’m sure he’ll be flexible – and so will I. I’m happy to work extra hours in other weeks or do weekends. And I can check emails and phone calls while I’m away etc. But of course if push came to shove, I’d prioritise the work over the trips away.
I’m just so excited to have a job!! This has been a big stumbling block in my recovery recently 🙂

JOY

Ahh… Joy! Today, for the first time in a very long time, I feel the first fleeting stirrings of joy.

25 January

Personal Prompt: For those living with health issues, if you could cure yourself, would you? Why or why not?
I don’t have health issues… Not major, incurable, long term issues. I’m getting older. Does that count? As to whether 50 is “old” – well that depends how old YOU are! If you’re 20 or more years younger than me, it will seem quite old. But if you’re 20 or more years older than me, it will seem quite young! My dad is 83 – but because Grandma is 98, she thinks he’s pretty young! I don’t – I think he’s pretty old 😀
Anyway – here’s a list of my health issues…
1. I have chronic, severe restless legs syndrome. Does that sound like a nothing thing to you? Well you’re wrong!! Before I had access to medications (about eight years ago?) I didn’t sleep at all. Virtually not at all. 20 minutes max here and there. Once I started medications my life changed unbelievably. After a period of time it got worse again and and they added a second medication – I was experiencing pretty bad nerve pain running up and down both legs. As to whether or not I’d cure it? Absolutely! What possible advantage is there in not being able to sit still?!
2. Mental health issues. Good god. I’ve talked about these endlessly… Depression, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorder. Yes – I would kiss them goodbye in a heartbeat. I would however, say that people prone to depression and anxiety, tend to be people that are a lot more sensitive to the world around them – to other people, situations, places. The sights, sounds and smells of the world around them. So I wouldn’t want to lose that sensitivity – I think there is a lot to be learned through it. The other thing I’d note, is that struggle (physical, psychological, financial etc) does often breed tolerance, understanding and empathy. While people don’t necessarily have to have experienced the same condition, struggling in some capacity does open a little window into other peoples’ worlds.
3. Back pain. Yes – I’d be rid of it. Again – what earthly use is there in me experiencing pain?! I don’t have horrendous pain – I know people with much worse pain issues than me. But it is enough that it limits what I do, but more concerning is that it’s getting worse. I’d like to know the root cause so I can at the very least manage that it doesn’t get worse! But I’d like to be back to what I was a year or two back.
That’s about it for me… I don’t have other major health issues that I can think of!
Creative Prompt: Cartoon characters usually have a signature look that never changes. If you were a cartoon, how would you be styled?
If I was a cartoon I suspect I’d have a big wad of frizzy red hair wafting around my head all the time. I’m inclined to look “round” so I suspect I’d have a big moon face or something. I used to have very much an hourglass figure (a very overweight hourglass… but still – that was the shape!) with boobs and hips and not much waist or bum. So that is the shape. Now that I’ve had the breast reduction, I don’t actually know what shape I am?! That’s about it really… Not overly interesting.
Lol! Just found this picture of Jessica Rabbit. I guess that could be a bit like me – only I’m the most unsexy person in the world! But she has poofy red hair and an hourglass figure, and not really a round face… but almost?! Perhaps I need a red sequin dress 😀

24 January

Personal Prompt: Describe a time when someone treated you kindly. What made this interaction so special?
Leading up to my hospitalisation last May, as my mental and physical health deteriorated, I was very fortunate to be the recipient of quite a lot of kindness. I feel like I haven’t experienced much kindness in life – but that particular time, when I was more in need of kindness and empathy and understanding and acceptance than ever before – I was graced with much love from many good people. Friends. Family. Therapists.
People took the time to reach out daily and check in on me. They would stop me and ask if I was okay and ask for more details and sit and chat for ages. They would drop everything they were doing when I sent a random text asking if they were busy. These interactions made me feel loved and cared for. I also felt foolish and a burden. But it has made me very conscious of just how fortunate I am to have wonderful people in my tribe.
Creative Prompt: You are part of the first group to settle on Mars and can only bring 10 personal items with you. What do you bring and why?
Off to Mars 😀 Yay! My ten personal items are:
1. My flute. I might be wanting to let my music go, but it is a part of my heart and soul.
2. A fat journal and a packet of good pens/pencils. I need to be able to write. A lot!
3. A big science fiction/fantasy series of books. Like a series with at least ten books in it! So I can read it repeatedly if necessary. Or preferably a box of ten different books – different genres…
4. My cat. Can’t leave him behind!
5. Do we have power?! Let’s assume so… I need my computer backed up with all my photos and writings. And an internet connection 😀
6. My foam roller. I can exercise with practically anything. But the foam roller is the best thing ever for stretching.
7. My pillow. Needs no explanation really.
8. Decent sheets with a high thread count. I’m a bit of a princess when it comes to sleeping…
9. Moroccan Oil shampoo and conditioner. Enough for a lifetime supply I guess! Can’t have frizzy hair on Mars…
10. L’Oreal CC cream. A smoothing foundation and sunscreen all in one. Covers all the blemishes. Won’t need other makeup.

23 January

Personal Prompt: Plan your perfect day. What are you doing, where are you going, who is with you?
My perfect day.
Sleep in past 6am – without the assistance of medications.
Wake up with no pain or discomfort and misery.
Wake up feeling energised – not groggy from lack of sleep.
Breakfast in bed – delivered by my husband.
Laze around for an hour or so.
Have a loooong hot shower and wash my hair and then just stand there for ages soaking up the heat.
Go for a lovely walk along the beach.
Meet friends for lunch.
Go shopping for no reason whatsoever with a limitless credit card that I don’t have to pay back.
Go home and hang out in a spa bath for a little while.
Have a lovely family dinner on the deck outside at home.
Go out to the movies with friends.
Have an after movie cocktail somewhere.
Go home and go to bed.
Do it again the next day.
Creative Prompt: Rewrite the plot of your favorite movie as if it were science fiction.
Oh bugger that. I’m not rewriting my favourite movie in any way. I can’t be bothered. It’s stinking bloody hot and my aircon is taking ages to cool my room down.
I don’t even know what my favourite movie is. But here’s a list of movies I’ve loved.

1. The Green Mile. Brilliant movie. I’ve watched it so many times and I still love it.
2. Bridget Jones. Just so light and fluffy and pointless and engaging and funny and relatable.
3. Harry Potter Series. Just a lovely engaging series of films. Light and fluffy etc.
4. The Dressmaker. Oh my goodness. Probably one of the best Australian films I have ever seen. Ever.
5. The Intouchables. Actually – I would probably consider this the bestest movie ever made!!! Go see it 😀

22 January

Personal Prompt: Make a list of the negative thoughts you’ve had today, then come up with some positive thoughts to counter them.
It’s Sunday. So most of my negative thoughts will be around food.
On Sundays I could up a big dinner for all my lovely boys. There’s always eight of us – the four boys, two girlfriends, my husband and myself. I have to cook food that has no onion, garlic, chili, nuts, red meat, dairy, gluten, watermelon, banana, pear or apple. Lucky me 😀  Part of me loves doing the big shop and the big cook up and all the planning and having all my lovely young people around me. But today I wasn’t in the mood for cooking. I’m just tired. I couldn’t be bothered. So I decided to do finger foods instead – little sandwich triangles, mini quiches, cocktail sausages, dips, cheeses, crackers, smashed potatoes, vegetable sticks. And home made blueberry ice cream in waffle cones. I have a habit of over catering…
Trouble is, I spend the whole day preparing food and playing with food and taste testing food and eating food and thinking about food. And then by the time they get here, I’m not hungry at all, but I still go ahead and pile my plate high with tons of food. Until I’m really uncomfortable. And then I want to throw it up. Today I haven’t thrown up though…
However once everyone leaves, I’m bombarded with thoughts of horror and disgust and self-loathing at all my over eating. And I feel so uncomfortable. And I feel so stupid because I do it week in and week out – so it’s not like it’s a surprise.
And as to how to counter these negative thoughts? Well I have tried to not let them overwhelm me. I didn’t throw up. I probably could have – I didn’t have to. The food wasn’t completely stuck. But I was full enough it would have come up easy. And I was trying to be “sensible”. So I don’t know if that counts as positive, but I was hoping it might almost count as “acceptance”. Not acceptance of the fact I overate and that disgusts me. But acceptance of the fact that what’s done is done, and should not be undone.
Creative Prompt: You decide to adopt a pet. What kind of animal do you adopt? Pick a name and give them a creative backstory.
I have adopted a pet. A cat. It is the only type of pet I ever want again. We’ve done fish and guinea pigs and budgies and hermit crabs. Not doing any of them again. I adore cats. I’m afraid of dogs. So we’re sticking with cats. My cat’s name is Coco. So that’ll do. He was my 40th birthday present to myself. So every time I have a birthday I know how old he is. He is a beautiful chocolate brown burmese cat. Very petite. Very loving and affectionate. Very cowardly. Very intelligent. He has an excellent internal body clock.
He was incredibly bonded to my middle son. When he was in primary school, Coco would sit out on the footpath at 2:55pm every day, waiting for him to coming walking up the street. Then at 9pm each night, he’d go and sit outside his bedroom door, waiting for him to climb into bed and would snuggle with him all night.
He also is confused about the fact that he’s a cat. Instead of crawling under the bed covers and sleeping at the foot of the bed – like cats are supposed to do… He crawls under the bed covers, turns around and comes back to lie his head on the pillow – right next to my head. Then he purrs loudly in my ear until he falls asleep. If he can’t get under the covers properly, he’ll paw gently at my hair, with his claws out just enough that I know, but not enough to hurt, until I let him under the covers.
He loves to play fight – claws out, but mostly retracted. He bites gently and never breaks through the skin. Well – almost never :DHe’s a gorgeous cat and we adore him.