I’m a grandma. How incredibly fucking cool is that?!

I’M NOT SURE IF YOU CAN TELL, BUT I’M A BIT EXCITED

Becoming a grandma brings back all those beautiful memories of becoming a mum. Being a new mum brought me – without a doubt – the happiest times of my life. I love newborn babies. They smell amazing.

I know people who think I’m a little bit odd – not everyone enjoys the helpless, screaming, sleepy, poopy, all-consuming part. But I love it. And it has been so many years since I held my own newborn babies. Holding my new granddaughter last week – when she was just 12 hours old – is a precious memory that is indelibly stamped onto my soul. And I got to hold her for hours and hours every single day.

I’m now trying to give the new little family some space. Which is hard but this is now their journey. And I feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of it. I’ll be back there looking for hugs on Sunday though.

TO WATCH YOUR OWN CHILD PARENTING IS A BEAUTIFUL THING

Babies grow into adults but it is a long, slow, sometimes exhausting path. When I watched my son holding his newborn daughter and bathing his family in a radiant nurturing glow, it was such a heartwarming moment. Surely, I’ve done something right if my own child can be so precious with his daughter. I feel she is in safe hands with her loving parents. Not all children are so lucky.

I have been told so often that grandparenting is its own special heavenly treat. That it is special in a way that can only be understood by others who are already in the club. I am so thrilled to finally have admission to the exclusive club and I can’t wait to see what’s in store.

Parenting has been a key identity for me and losing that identity was one of the myriad contributors to my mental health collapse. Being a grandparent will be a different but equally precious road – of that I have no doubt.

Two years ago I tried to end my life. No matter how hard I tried I could not see a way into the light. With a lot of support, therapy and a whole new drug regime I have found good mental health. For more than 12 months I have been free from eating disorder hell and despite some really major challenges coming my way I have navigated through my natural tendency towards anxiety and depression. I am, in essence, doing really well.

WHEN IMPOSSIBLE THINGS HAPPEN, ALL IMPOSSIBLE THINGS BECOME POSSIBLE

Sometimes impossible things are heart-wrenchingly painful. And sometimes they’re glorious. My granddaughter is quite simply, glorious. Despite me nagging my children to have children (mostly in jest) never did I expect to be a grandma so soon. As we hear so flippantly so often, good things come to those who wait. Waiting is not always my superpower, but here we are. Good things have happened. Really good things.

I am deeply conscious that this too shall pass – everything does. But something new will come along. And after that, something new again. Every single day, life is new again. The good passes. The bad passes. And in the meantime, we’re living.

When I heard that labour had started and my granddaughter was almost here I had a burning desire to tell my parents. They would both be so incredibly proud to be great grandparents. They would love her as much as I do. I really missed that I could not tell them about such a momentous event in our family. The first of the next generation. Life carrying on.

I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT SOMEWHERE, THEY ARE WATCHING AND SMILING

For fellow fans of newborn babies, here’s a precious snapshot of little Sofia on the day she was born. Enjoy – a gift from me to you.