THINGS I LEARNED WHEN TRAVELLING

This should be a book. And I need to do a lot more travelling before handing out “travel tips”.

None-the-less, while sitting bored witless at one of the most boring airports gracing this fine earth, I felt inspired to share some hard-earned wisdom.

• shampoo & conditioner
• soap
• deodorant
• toiletries in general

They sell these things everywhere. You don’t need to speak Swahili to identify a tube of toothpaste or a box of tampons. Pointing and enthusiastic waving is a universal language. Trust me. Your hand luggage is far better weighed down with emergency chocolate supplies. Just restock your toiletries as you go.

Speaking of hand luggage, this requires important consideration. No matter how convenient it may seem to get on the plane with nothing but a boarding pass, if your luggage doesn’t land with you, that boarding pass is pretty fucking useless in your new destination. Perhaps we all learn this the hard way, but I’ll try and save you the distress of spending 36 hours in San Francisco with no clean underwear, make-up, or a phone charger.

First rule of hand luggage, invest in good hand luggage.

If you’re traveling on more than one airline, establish the smallest permitted size of said luggage. Don’t think, Hallelujah! Between Llubljana and Dubrovnik I can take 10 kilos! No –  between Mexico and Sao Paolo it’s six, so that’s the maximum – for your whole trip. Choose a bag that’s comfy FOR YOU – and has various carrying modes, because you’ll spend a lot of time carting it around.

I started with my favourite duffel bag but it wasn’t practical and was easy to overfill so I purchased this instead, which works a treat – it’s a backpack with carry handles and shoulder strap options. Fits neatly into overhead compartments (note – these differ enormously between airlines, and some put wheeled carry-on luggage into the hold regardless). It weighs a mere 800 grams. There are better, lighter, quality options out there. Do your research. Invest wisely.

Now the important bit – what to put in  hand luggage.

The rules of hand luggage apply for checked in luggage – less is more.

1. Essential paperwork – passport, tickets, cash, cards, medical records drivers licence. Paper’s heavy – pack essentials, photograph the rest.
2. Clothes – honestly, pack a change of clothes. You’ll be sorry if you don’t. Just one light change is all you need.
3. Spare underwear, a complete change. Swimwear that doubles as bra and knickers is particularly handy if a) you’re going somewhere you might want to swim, and b) you need a bra as well as knickers (most men don’t need bras – do they?)
4. Glasses. Not the drinking kind. If you can’t see your boarding pass and you’re not legal to drive without glasses, take all of them with you – including your sunnies.
5. Toiletries and medications you can’t live without for 48 hours. If it’s possible to last 48 hours without mascara, squirrel it into your checked-in luggage. It’s not for me to say what you can survive without for two days, but be brutal. And practical.
6. Entertainment stuff – laptop, iPad, book, vibrator, whatever-floats-your-boat. Not all of those obviously. You’ll be sitting on your butt bored witless for hours on end in airport lounges so you’ll want something. Choose wisely. This stuff tends to be heavy.
7. Cords, cables and international converters for your entertaining hand luggage. The rest of your electronic bits and bobs can be checked-in. But there’s no point putting your iPad into hand luggage if the battery goes flat on the plane and you can’t charge it until your checked in arrives. Which may or may not greet you at the other end.
8. While I don’t personally own a set of travel luggage scales, I have every intention of purchasing some. There are lots on the market. This set weigh just 0.06kg and seem worth it for relieving the stress of knowing you’re not over the limit. Besides, they’ll fit in your pocket and won’t need to be weighed with the hand luggage.
9. Which brings me to my last point. Assume your hand luggage will be weighed and measured then pack accordingly. But be a bit clever too. Nobody checks your pockets or underpants. You can put small (not dangerous) items in there. Wear your heavy stuff. Don’t board the plane in your cutest bikini and pack your winter coat and boots – that’s just impractical. On so many levels.

There is a lovely soul I know who may – or may not – read this blog, who once traveled to Europe for three weeks with no less than six pairs of leggings. Six! Why?! I don’t even own six pairs?! I must remember to give her the name of a wonderful counselor I know…

When traveling, you can wash clothes. It’s not an onerous task. Really it isn’t. You shower every day – right? Stomp on your underwear in the shower and hey presto, clean underwear! Want it to dry a little faster? Wrap wet items in your towel (after you’ve dried yourself) and twist the towel at both ends until the water doth leak out no more. Now you have merely damp underwear. I promise you that by tomorrow when you pack again it will be dry – or near enough. If in doubt, give it a bit of an iron.

The volume of clothing you pack is not dependent on how long you’re away for, as how frequently you’re moving house. If you spend a week at a time in an airbnb it’s easy – constant access to a washing machine. If you move to a different locale every day it’s more complicated and you may find yourself periodically donning slightly damp underwear. Consider it a special moment.

Personally I prefer option one – stay in one location for a long period of time, get to know the local eateries and great coffee, unpack, wash, do lots of day trips, explore, and just plain enjoy the place. It’s nowhere near as exhausting! There’s so much time wasted every time you move to another location. The travel part of traveling is the unfun bit.

Apparently there’s a golden packing rule – 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Five tops, four bottoms, three dresses, three shoes, two bags, two bikinis, one hat, watch & sunnies. Being an older wiser person I’d trim even more. Five tops, four bottoms, three shoes, two dresses, one swimsuit (separates – they double as spare bra and knickers – I like that versatility!) Hat, watch and sunnies go without saying. As does the bag. Also make sure every item goes with everything else and that you can layer up or down, and dress up or down. That’s all you need. Honestly. Let all your luggage weigh under 15kg and you will thank yourself 1000 times over.

The money runs out and the luggage gets in the way. So seriously – think carefully when packing. You won’t regret finding an extra $1000 in your account, but you will regret coming home with three pairs of shoes that weighed three kilos and you never wore them. You’re not travelling overseas to be a fashion icon. Are you?! Travel for the joy of learning and loving other people and places and cultures and I promise you don’t need six pairs of leggings or four large tubes of toothpaste to do it. Really truly.

I’M BACK!

Due to some technical mumbo jumbo glitchy stuff my webpage was lost for what seemed like forever but was perhaps a day or two. I was most bereft.

I’m also in the land of man flu so nothing of any significance will be gracing my page for a day or two, but I just wanted to say don’t give up on me. There are good things to come this year. Really good things. I can feel it in my waters!

In the meantime, I’d keep encouraging anyone who hasn’t done so yet, to like my author page on Facebook. When I get closer to finalising and launching my memoir that’s where all the exciting things will be happening. The turning point is just around the corner. I promise! My deadline for first draft is 17 March. Gotta pull my socks up – but hey, I can reach my toes so it shouldn’t be a problem 🙂

As my brain is clogged with fog and mucous today, I thought I’d leave you with gems from one of the most beautiful minds of our generation – the great and honorable Maya Angelou.

• I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
• If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
• Nothing will work unless you do.
• There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
• Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible.
• We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.
• Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.
• My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.
• When you learn, teach. When you get, give.
• Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.

You’re welcome 🙂

ROLL ON 2019

Just a brief Happy New Year and welcome to 2019 post. I think globally we’ve all made it now – right?!

On my new Facebook page I may occasionally be confusing people by mixing up old and new posts. Sorry about that. Just trying to keep you on your toes!

For me – I feel good about 2019. I choose to believe the worst of my grief and issues are behind me and my journey forward is now much closer to everyone else – ie I’m sure I won’t get everything right but I’ll try not to make a royal fuck up every time a little snag comes my way.

I’m calling resolutions ‘goals’ this year.

1. Eat normal healthy meals at vaguely normal times over a 10-12 hour period each day.

2. Relinquish 24 hour snacking and compensatory behaviors (purging, laxatives, restricting, medications etc)

3. Exercise daily. And just generally move more. Feel like I’m getting bed sores…

4. Primary work focus is writing – equally divided three ways: blogging/articles, memoir, masterclass modules. Seven days a week I need to work on at least one of these.

5. Earn money. How? Dunno. Send me ideas. Legal ideas…

6. Become house proud. Clean the damn house from time to time and stop sulking about what a dirty dump it is. Take control of those things I can control.

7. Stop transferring addictions. Deal with the core issue. No more self harm. Impulse buying. Rescuing every stranger in distress. Food numbing. Binging on Netflix. Tearing my feet until they bleed. Whatever thing I think of next. Deal with the issue by thinking/talking/writing about it and using the million mental health tools I’ve learned.

8. Nurture and be grateful for all the relationships in my life. I am truly blessed.

9. Keep exploring my spiritual world. Connect with God. Seek that which is outside of myself.

10. Give myself a break when all these goals don’t run smoothly. Life isn’t perfect and nor am I.

May all of you have a peaceful start to this new year.

Whatever you endured in 2018, you’re still here. You survived. Let 2019 become a year where you learn to become your best self – however that looks for you 🙂

ANOTHER NEW ENDING

The last day of 2018 is almost here and once again I’m filled with reflections on the year that was.

• Did I achieve anything?
• Have I progressed?
• What have I learned?
• Highlights & lowlights?
• Was it worth it?

This time two years ago my resolutions looked inwards.

• I hope to develop faith in myself
• I hope to learn acceptance – of what is and what has been
• I hope to have the strength to endure my burdens
• I hope to embrace the love that I am blessed with
• I hope to feel a sense of peace
• I hope to find the courage to face my fears
• I hope to be graced with the wisdom to live my life fully

Those 2017 resolutions have taken shape. I have faith and acceptance of circumstances while working on acceptance of myself. Mentally I’m considerably stronger than I’ve been for years, and not a day passes without gratitude for the people in my world. I’ve had moments – sometimes profound and enduring moments – of great peace. I’ve dug deep and faced fears and continue to strive for wisdom. So all in all, I think I did good with my list.

I resolved to have no resolutions 12 months ago, laying out goals for 2018 instead:

• I’m enrolled in a masterclass where at the end of the year I will have completed a draft for my first book.
• I have every intention of continuing to regularly write in this blog – but I would like to take the focus away from mental health.
• I would like to start writing short stories for magazines and online publications.
• I’m spending the next three months finalising the details of a business for writing people’s biographies.
• I also keep being asked to assist people (small businesses) with their websites (proofreading and copy writing etc). Extra cash comes in handy and proofreading is something I am very, very good at 🙂

I can state unequivocally, I really tried. In 2018 I was very writing focused – I’ve made a lot of progress with my memoir, blogged regularly, submitted articles for publication, shelved the biography idea, and done no paid work whatsoever. I did however, spend seven weeks in a psych hospital, three months in Europe, and spent a lot of money despite desperate finances.

The past two years have shown that no matter the depths I sink to, I claw my way out. And as far as mental health recovery goes, I’m a long way along the path now.

I can almost taste freedom. Almost…

One of my readers recently asked what’s working for me and how change came about. Okay. Let’s give it some consideration.

1. If I fall off my well-worn, wobbly wagon, my go-to tool is eating on schedule. After the clinic I set six alarms a day on my phone. Now I have just three – breakfast, lunch and dinner. I snack in between if I feel like it. I’m tempted by unrelenting media and “success stories” of intermittent fasting fads, but wary of anything related to “diet”. Diets are temporary, and so are the results. But I read up on the 16:8 protocol and modified it to 14:10 – ie. a 14 hour stretch between dinner and breakfast. As night time binging has been a major stumbling block perhaps this will help. Intermittent fasting is considered “not suitable” for anyone with an eating disorder, so I talked it over with my husband and he’ll be the voice of reason when I can’t figure out what’s going on in my head.
2. When my mood lowers I connect with friends. It’s crucial. When the ugly head of depression is rearing, the natural inclination is to withdraw and isolate. That just feeds the devil. If I let the people in my world know I’m struggling, they’ll hold my head above water until I can do it myself. I can’t always express my feelings – I don’t understand them myself – but by meeting for coffee or chatting on messenger, I’ve reached out and broken the cycle of isolation. Talking allows perspective and offers reminders that “this too shall pass”. Isolation is the enemy – connection is the cure. I can’t stop or predict depressive episodes, but I can acknowledge and reach out.
3. Anxiety remains an unsolved issue. It strikes at unexpected moments – usually from suppressed and numbed emotions. I know what to do, but more often than not, find myself resorting to maladaptive behaviours – I have a long list of transference. Currently my feet are bearing the brunt of the attacks. The most useful tools I know are focused breathing and grounding. And the best app I’ve found is called What’s Up? It’s not pretty, but it’s simple and practical. Focused breathing is just what it sounds like – focus on your breathing, count the number of seconds in, hold and breathe out. Aim to slow breaths down. Focus on the feeling of the breath – warmth, chest movement etc. Grounding exercises force you back into the here and now. The simplest one I fall back on is 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Five things I see. Four things I hear. Three things I feel. Two things I smell. Take one really deep breath. Repeat. But you can make up grounding exercises – go through the alphabet and name something you can see with each letter. Go through lists of fives – five spanish speaking countries, five yellow flowers, five dog breeds. Anything you can think of. And anything to distract from the chaos and catastrophe in your head.

That pretty much sums up my three major issues – depression, anxiety and eating disorder. They feed off each other – for better or worse. There are a gazillion mental health tools – we each find what works for us. As for seeing the change in myself? Yes I can. And the reason I know there’s change, is I can now picture a future. I can see myself doing things, being places, contributing, supporting, living. The change came about by never giving in. Following a thousand wrong paths until the right one hit me in the head. By finding faith, grasping hope, and accepting the love of friendship.

If you haven’t yet liked my author page on facebook, please do so!

And share with friends. I’m primarily recycling old posts at the moment, but as the year progresses, so will the page. Stay safe as the year comes to an end. Please share your own recovery tools – you never know how your experience might benefit someone else. Much love and thanks to all for your support and understanding.

MERRY MANIC MONDAY

It’s Christmas Eve. All the food preparation is done. The leaves swept up outside. The tree is decorated, santa hats unpacked and cheesy tunes uploaded to my playlist.The past week has been manic – as is traditional at this time of year. A week ago I created an author page for myself on Facebook then promptly failed to write a single new post – my timing wasn’t fantastic.

Tomorrow all the beautiful men in my world – young and old – will arrive to feast and our house guest from Melbourne will get to experience Christmas Day the way we do it – boisterous and loud and overflowing with food and champagne.

I’m suffering my annual curse of “Will there be enough food?!”

And then on Boxing Day I’ll see all the leftovers and wonder why I ever worry. I eternally over cater. I’m exhausted – physically and mentally. I adore Christmas but it’s also very taxing. My emotional regulation tools are better than before but a long way from healthy. Progress is made one small step at a time.

I wish every single one of you a blessed, joyous and peaceful day tomorrow, regardless of how – or if – you celebrate the festive season.

My goal after the next two days are done and dusted for another year, is to shed a lot more light on my progress and my where-to-from-here musings.

In the meantime happy days to you all. May you be surrounded by a circle of love and friendship, be blessed with a full belly and a light heart. And above all else, be kind to yourself.

Merry Christmas folks

PLEASE LIKE ME!

In order to successfully publish my memoir next year (hopefully next year)
I need to have people to tell about it.

So in a desperate and shameless act of self-promotion, I’ve created an author page on Facebook and I’d be very chuffed if you liked it.

I’m pretty much regurgitating old posts in a random order at this stage so it could be a trip down memory lane for you. Or perhaps you’ll get to read something you missed the first time around. Either way – I’m hoping it’s good for both of us 💪

Feel free to drop me a line and say hi. There’s nothing more exciting than interaction on social media! It is after all called social, not isolated, media.

I’m also open to suggestions for things you’d like to read about. As my recovery continues in a slightly spirally but generally upward trajectory, I’m finding myself with less things to complain about and less angst to expel from my ample bosom. But please keep suggestions vaguely within the vicinity of mental health and life in general – I’m not really qualified to discuss the pros and cons of electric versus solar powered cars. If such a a thing exists…