On a personal and a global level, I think it can be categorically said, 2020 was a really, really shit year.

Globally, COVID-19 came along and ruined things for everybody. Could anybody have predicted such a shocking thing to happen to the entire world? With so much loss and fear and sadness? It’s one of those things we think will never happen in our lifetime. But it did.

On a personal level, I went from living in a bubble of pure happiness at the start of the year to sinking to unfathomable depths by March. It’s been a long crawl out.

This time last year I was sitting on a rock with my new-found daughter, declaring 2020 to be a life-changing year. Life-changing for the better – one of my best years ever. And I really believed it would be.

HOW WRONG I WAS

When I left the clinic, I dreamed of flying to the UK to wrap my arms around my beautiful girl. I even had the financial means to do so. COVID destroyed that. Now I secretly wonder if we’ll ever be let out of Tasmania again – let alone Australia.

But despite the really shit stuff, 2020 has brought me some good things too. Here are ten things that are worth remembering this year.

1. I won a travel writing competition and spent a weekend at Low Head with my husband. We were given a most delightful afternoon tea then spent several days stopping to photograph random things like cows, cups of tea and boots hanging from a tree. Then I wrote all about it. It was awesome.
2. My bathroom is gutted and I painted all our doorframes white. This might not seem like much of a good thing, but it’s exciting for me. I’ve dreamt of having a bath in my house for nearly 20 years now. Renovations are a very s…l…o….w process at our place. So the painting of the doorframes, the gutting of the bathroom and the purchase of a new bath is a huge step in the right direction.
3. My four boys are all extremely settled in their work and study and relationships. And due to COVID, they’re all living in Tasmania again. Maybe this isn’t a big deal, and maybe things will change, but mothering is the key theme of my life and seeing all my boys happy and settled is deeply satisfying.
4. My kitchen has more stuff. I got new mugs that are like buckets for my frequently consumed cups of chai tea. And we finally have enough dessert spoons to complete my cutlery set.
5. My book is ready for the next step. While COVID has meant it won’t be picked up by a mainstream publisher, I now have the opportunity to self publish which will mean a much greater return when – not if – it’s published. I really have a great belief (as do many people) in my memoir and I intend to publish. I’m doing a lot of the groundwork now and will most likely be crowdfunding soon. Watch this space. You too could have the opportunity to support this worthy cause.
6. I got a job. Not a regular job, but then I guess I’m not a regular person. But I’m now paid to write articles about insomnia and if there’s one thing I am an expert in, it’s not sleeping. Making a small financial contribution to our family has had a huge positive impact on my mental health.
7. My husband got a new timing belt and clutch on his beloved Coupe Fiat 20VT Plus and got the turbocharger sorted out. This means absolutely nothing to me but it makes him very happy. And that brings mutual happiness for us both.
8. I have been given the gift of time with both my father and my cat. They should be dead now. Dad was told he only had weeks left and my cat’s head got run over. But with much prayer, miracles have occurred. Dad has gone home to see out his days and my cat has been made almost whole. Whole enough he still purrs and we still get to cuddle him – wonky head and all.
9. I got a life size toy wombat for Christmas. That really needs no further explanation.
10. I have found true recovery. The road I have searched for and tentatively touched for the past five years is now solidly beneath my feet. It took a suicide attempt and two months in a psychiatric clinic screeching like a feral cat and two more months of wobbling around on my feet, but I have not felt this strong and this well for more than five years. Since 2012 really.

So even in the worst of times, there are good moments and positive outcomes. No matter the darkness of the day, it is always worth remembering that.