God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…

And one of those things is the endless leakage from two of my laparoscopic incisions. So much for in one day and out the next surgery. I’m so freaking tired… Sequence of events.

01 April

• Laparoscopic removal of gastric lap band
• Post operative bleeding from two incision sites
• Chat to four friendly nurses as they apply pressure and watch growing pool of blood on bed
• Wait three hours for surgeon to return from dinner (with three glasses of wine on board)
• Have stitches put in at bedside – incisions and stitches without anaesthetic
• Watch with fascination as he pokes and prods my insides looking for stuff and stitching deep ab muscles
• Lose half liter of blood

02 April

• For the first time in seven years, eat without restriction
• Panic at this new realisation
• Burst into tears for most of the day
• Realise my anaethetist is parent of former music student
• He kindly informs me to be careful with contraception as one of the anaesthetic drugs affects hormones. Completely forgets I’m 53 and had hysterectomy 15 years ago

03 April

• Go home from hospital
• Realise I have more pain than all my other surgical procedures
• Have large quantities of opiates in my possession. Temptation…
• Start to notice rash and itching from dressings
• Stock up on antihistamines

04-08 April

• Sleep 23 hours a day
• Fail to remember much
• Collect photographs of wounds as they continue to bleed
• Kaleidoscope of blue, purple, green, yellow bruising awash my belly, back and front bottom
• Morbidly watch with fascination as bruising heads south and threatens to crawl up my vagina
• Wonder how big the hematoma will grow under my stitches
• Drink whole bottle of liquid ferritin – allergic reaction counteracts constipating affects of opiates
• Standing up causes low blood pressure – go back to bed

09 April

• Leave house for the first time
• Spend the day with a friend – completely forgetting I have a class to attend
• Spend two more days in bed recovering from visiting friend

12 April

• Follow up surgeon visit
• Have stitches removed
• Attempted aspiration of grapefruit-sized hematoma doesn’t work
• Cuts stitches open again and sprays blood everywhere
• Drains hematomas
• Applies steristrips
• 90 minutes later steristrips are swimming in pools of blood
• Attend emergency department to have stitches put back in

13-15 April

• Dressings continue to swim in fluids
• Realise smaller wound is infected
• Lay in sun without dressings for several hours hoping to kill infection with sunlight
• Attend first gym session in a month – cannot get into plank position
• Feel sorry for myself

16 April

• Visit GP and ask for assessment
• Larger stitched wound deemed fine – no dressings required
• Smaller steristripped wound looking better
• Steristrips deemed pointless – dressings still required
• Have blood test for bleeding disorder – again
• Rash and redness from dressings allergy glaring at me
• Continue large doses of antihistamines
• Increasing panic at realisation of ease of eating
• Gain a thousand kilos
• Attend gym
• Start bleeding from large stitched wound again
• Feel sorry for myself again

Grant me the courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

• Hope God is listening
• Thank God for antihistamines
• Wonder if this absurd saga will ever end
• Hope tomorrow is a better today