THE EMBODIMENT OF ME
Today I watched the film Embrace again. It should be compulsory viewing and reminded me that if I can’t love the body I’m in right now, I won’t love the body I dream of having. The perfect body is a perfect lie.
Tag: eating disorder
TWO WEEKS
A lot can happen in two weeks. You can lose everything, as so many people around the world are now discovering. You can become isolated, locked away, afraid and no longer in control of your life.
VALUABLE
“We belong to what we value, not what we desire.” A cool guy I know. I love that statement – it really resonates with me. I spend time and energy, make commitments and secret pacts, with the things I value. Not with the things I desire.
PINKY PROMISE
On 29 July 2018, I met a girl. A real girl. Due to the vagaries of distance and finances, we couldn’t meet in real life – until 44 days ago. That girl has changed my life.
DESERVED
This is my cat. Isn’t he lovely? He spends most of his days soaking up the suns’ rays, looking content, waiting to […]
I’M SORRY…
I’m the girl in limbo who lost who she was and doesn’t know what comes next. In the meantime, the grocery bill has significantly decreased at the expense of my sanity and my husband’s peace of mind.
UNSETTLED
It takes six little words feeding the eating disorder voice, to override a year of conversations nurturing the timid voice of recovery.
BURDENED
When the burden of being a burden becomes so burdensome the burden can no longer be bourne, it’s crunch time. Disappear into Wonderland with the big white rabbit, going permanently mad? Or just go – permanently? Or do what needs to be done and reach out? Clearly the latter is the healthier option.
PERMANENTLY TEMPORARY
I live in a state of being permanently temporary. I guess we all do to some extent… But since ceasing paid employment at the end of 2017, my routine has been – to put it mildly – flexible. I like it this way.
It’s very bad for me.
GIRL WITH THE EATING DISORDER
I identify really strongly as “the girl with the eating disorder”. I need a better identity in order to move past this one… I get asked from time to time what to “do” to help or support me. I’m usually flummoxed by this question. I have no idea how to help myself – how can I provide information I don’t know?!
HOW ARE YOU?
A coded question, that in some circumstances, is a call for help. When struggling with some variety of mental health problems, it’s […]
FEARING HOPE
Hope seems like such a positive emotion. Something anyone would want to have and strive for. Something we’d all hope to have […]
THE SAGA OF THE STITCHES
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… And one of those things is the endless leakage from two of my laparoscopic incisions. So much for in one day and out the next surgery. I’m so freaking tired… Sequence of events.
GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY…
Monday afternoon I presented at the hospital for an overnight admission to have my gastric lap band removed. I wasn’t thrilled but was coming to terms with it, and valiantly thinking of it as a turning point in recovery. Which may well be the case. Who knows?
A NEW DAWN
In 2012, I became the very happy recipient of a a gastric lap band. In 2019, I’m having it removed. On Monday to be precise. I’m petrified.