It’s Christmas Day.

This is the first time I have been away from my children for Christmas – since they were born. I miss them intensely but we’re having a lovely day. I have video called them and we’ve said all our merry christmases.

I have lots of things happening in my life right now, and for the most part, they’re all good.

I’m currently holidaying in Byron Bay with my husband and youngest son. I gotta say – my son is not very keen to be here. He only came because we’ve done a house swap and he had nowhere to live. He’s planning on going back early and sleeping in his car – that’s how much he’s loving it.

Byron Bay has loads of beaches and stunning coastline and a really famous lighthouse. But if you don’t like swimming and you absolutely detest sand there’s not a whole lot of stuff to do. So I get that he wants to go home. I on the other hand, absolutely adore swimming and I’m perfectly willing to put up with the gritty inconvenience of sand. It’s just a bit sadder to swim by yourself. But still – it’s a sacrifice I’ve been willing to make. The water here is just beautiful.

MY MENTAL HEALTH IS SO GOOD

These past few months I have felt so exceptionally well. I am not sure if this is just a natural progression of psychological recovery combined with pharmacological support. Or if I’m just living in this deluded bubble of happiness because all my cards seem to be turning up trumps right now. But either way, I feel really well. Really, really well.

The biggest Christmas news is, I’m going to be a grandma. I’m going to have a little baby granddaughter in May and that is such an amazingly beautiful blessing. I am so excited. Here – say hello to little Sofia.

Isn’t she perfect?! Now I am deeply conscious of the fact that looking at other people’s ultrasound photographs of their baby is often – quite frankly – intensely boring. There is an incredible similarity between all these precious little people wrapped tightly in their mother’s wombs. But now that the photo is of my own granddaughter I feel a deep emotional connection to it. I could just look at that all day long. And sometimes I do. It makes me enormously happy and fills me with deep contentment.

I can’t wait to meet her.

In other lovely news, my book is about to launch. Stalked by Demons, Guarded by Angels: The Girl with the Eating Disorder. I have distributed all the presales copies to those people who supported my crowdfunding campaign. 130 books have been sent around the world and a lot of them have now been read.

HAVE YOU PREORDERED YET?!

You can go to Amazon or Book Depository or anywhere you like really. Ideally, you will go into your local bookstore and ask them to order it in. That would be so awesome because it spreads the word for me!

I’ve had such wonderful feedback.

Fascinating read and beautifully written

I couldn’t put it down. It was so good!

Bloody wow wee… I’ve cried and I’ve laughed. An incredible writer!!

Oh the tears. So beautiful!

Loving book. So easy to read. Going through whole gamut of emotions!

It’s a great read. You talk about such brutal things so matter of factly and it’s so raw and honest. It’s refreshing.

I’m devouring your book. It’s a great read and I love your writing.

I’m loving your book. Feeling very privileged to be reading this!

I was so swept up with your narrative that I read it in three sittings.

And so many more beautiful words! So I highly recommend you preorder by 11 January. I would love to hear your thoughts on my musings!

THEN THERE WAS MORE GOOD NEWS

We have had a small financial windfall which has eased a lot of our credit card burden over Christmas. These little things make such a difference. I am not at all money-focused in life. Which explains why we so rarely have any. But when little windfalls come along, it does feel like an enormous blessing.

And in a completely trivial and frivolous announcement, I bought a very expensive swimsuit that turned out to not quite fit me properly – straps were a little long and my boobs kept falling out. I didn’t want to frighten small children at the beach so I had it adjusted and now it fits perfectly. Body image has been – and continues to be – a major hurdle for me. It is not easy to be a pale, fat, middle-aged woman in a society that embraces the slim, tanned and young. Especially in Byron Bay where it seems everyone just stepped out of an Instagram influencer account – and forgot most of their clothing. So this swimsuit makes me feel as comfortable as I’m ever going to be. It’s not magic – I’m still a pale, fat, middle-aged woman – but somehow I feel a little more acceptable in this swimsuit. Which makes it worth every penny of the price tag. Regardless of our financial circumstances. I consider it an investment in mental health.

One of the most beautiful and touching things that has happened recently is hearing from someone so special to me. Someone I have not spoken to for 16 months for a number of reasons. Receiving that call was exquisitely heartwarming. It was right up on a par with learning about my granddaughter-to-be. And it came completely out of the blue – I was not expecting it. For the rest of the day, the grin on my face spread from ear to ear and my heart beat just a little bit quicker with excitement. It feels like a gentle healing of something precious that has been very broken. I don’t know what the future holds but for today I feel incredibly comforted by the conversation we had.

CHRISTMAS IS A TIME THAT MEANS FAMILY & FRIENDSHIP TO ME

So, from my family to yours, may you have a beautiful day with loved ones – in person or in memory. Wherever they may be. And may you ease through the silly season with peace in your heart. Be well lovely people. Be well.