I F*CKED UP
I’ve been quiet on here for a little while. I’ve been quiet everywhere for a little while. I have been in a period of significant restriction.
Category: Eating Disorders
WHEN THE BODY IMAGE BEAST COMES TO PLAY
Now, I have talked endlessly about body image at different times. It is something I have struggled with my entire life. As my journey of recovery took on an upward trajectory in the past 15 months, I worked on the acceptance thing. Trying to accept myself as is, right now. I hear other people do this and it’s good for you.
I FELL OFF MY PERCH
But simultaneous to all this positivity, I have been triggered. (I am learning to hate that word.) You would think after all this time that I would be used to managing difficult emotions and situations, but a small incident has flipped me on my head and my eating disorder is struggling. Well, let’s be honest here – today it is winning.
RED CAR SYNDROME
There’s a thing called red car syndrome. Who knew?! It’s the phenomenon where you don’t notice how many red cars there are out there until you decide you want to buy one – and then all of a sudden they’re everywhere.
WEIGHTING ROOM
I’ve gained weight. I would hazard a guess that most people don’t want to gain weight, but when you’re recovering from an eating disorder it’s especially hard. The eating disorder wasn’t entirely about weight, but it was a big part of it. For me at least. I have an intense fear of gaining weight and being overweight and now both have happened.
WATCH THIS SPACE
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’m not sure who “they” are, but sometimes I feel that absence means the heart grew sicker. Writing is my cathartic outlet so when I stop writing I know something is going on.
JUGGLING THE CHAOS OF RECOVERY
Make a cup of tea, put your feet up and join us for our chat. Let me know what you think!
LIFE’S SHIFTING SANDS
Everything in life is transitory – the good, the bad. The ugly, the beautiful. Nothing lasts and my father’s demise and death […]
PRESALES NOW AVAILABLE!
I invite you to look at my campaign, subscribe to it, share it, and if you would consider it – preordering a copy so I can get this message out into the world.
LAUNCHING!
Over the past two years I have been penning words and putting together my memoir – Stalked by Demons | Guarded by Angels: The Girl with the Eating Disorder. I AM NOW AT THE SCARY END OF THE PROCESS
THE WEIGHT GAME
I’ve been recovering for six months now. Just over. And I guess the difference between actively seeking recovery and actually recovering is the associated behaviours. It may seem blindingly obvious, but changing eating disorder behaviours is really fucking hard. It’s taken me years of psychological therapies to put into practice the very things that make perfect, logical sense. But here I am – putting stuff into practice for six months now. More if you count my time in the clinic where I was forced to be healthy.
MY BIPOLAR LIFE
I don’t know if my official mental health diagnosis is bipolar II – or not. There appears to be no consensus on anything aside from the fact I have emotional dysregulation and severe insomnia issues. In my opinion, those two things are more than enough to make anybody go crazy. But mental health diagnosis or not, my life is full of highs and lows.
I’VE BEEN QUIET
It bothers me when I don’t write in my blog. Not because I think my writing is doing anyone a public service, but because this forum is my outlet for internal rumination. And if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s internal rumination.
HOPES & DREAMS
Life is filled with moments where we hope. And where we dream. I have learned to be wary of hope but to embrace dreams.
EATING DISORDER RECOVERY: KEY EIGHT
According to the authors, the first seven keys are about recovering ‘from’ and this key is about recovering ‘to’. The focus is on searching for the spiritual, soulful side of ourselves – which can sound like mumbo jumbo if you’re not willing to be open-minded. I’m applying my willingness to this key.