VALUABLE
“We belong to what we value, not what we desire.” A cool guy I know. I love that statement – it really resonates with me. I spend time and energy, make commitments and secret pacts, with the things I value. Not with the things I desire.
Tag: disordered eating
PINKY PROMISE
On 29 July 2018, I met a girl. A real girl. Due to the vagaries of distance and finances, we couldn’t meet in real life – until 44 days ago. That girl has changed my life.
DESERVED
This is my cat. Isn’t he lovely? He spends most of his days soaking up the suns’ rays, looking content, waiting to […]
I’M SORRY…
I’m the girl in limbo who lost who she was and doesn’t know what comes next. In the meantime, the grocery bill has significantly decreased at the expense of my sanity and my husband’s peace of mind.
UNSETTLED
It takes six little words feeding the eating disorder voice, to override a year of conversations nurturing the timid voice of recovery.
TUNE IN TUNE OUT
I don’t know where it comes from as I listened to it prattling away for half a century and it’s only recently I noticed another voice hidden in the background.
BURDENED
When the burden of being a burden becomes so burdensome the burden can no longer be bourne, it’s crunch time. Disappear into Wonderland with the big white rabbit, going permanently mad? Or just go – permanently? Or do what needs to be done and reach out? Clearly the latter is the healthier option.
PERMANENTLY TEMPORARY
I live in a state of being permanently temporary. I guess we all do to some extent… But since ceasing paid employment at the end of 2017, my routine has been – to put it mildly – flexible. I like it this way.
It’s very bad for me.
GIRL WITH THE EATING DISORDER
I identify really strongly as “the girl with the eating disorder”. I need a better identity in order to move past this one… I get asked from time to time what to “do” to help or support me. I’m usually flummoxed by this question. I have no idea how to help myself – how can I provide information I don’t know?!
HOW ARE YOU?
A coded question, that in some circumstances, is a call for help. When struggling with some variety of mental health problems, it’s […]
RECONCILING GOD
I have found God. Some people reading this will rejoice. Others will wring their hands and wonder what the fuck happened to […]
THE SAGA OF THE STITCHES
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… And one of those things is the endless leakage from two of my laparoscopic incisions. So much for in one day and out the next surgery. I’m so freaking tired… Sequence of events.
GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY…
Monday afternoon I presented at the hospital for an overnight admission to have my gastric lap band removed. I wasn’t thrilled but was coming to terms with it, and valiantly thinking of it as a turning point in recovery. Which may well be the case. Who knows?
A NEW DAWN
In 2012, I became the very happy recipient of a a gastric lap band. In 2019, I’m having it removed. On Monday to be precise. I’m petrified.
THE EMOTIONAL TRUTH
The universal human need to be needed. The basic human rights of love, care and acceptance. The intimacy of belonging to community. These are the emotional truths I wish to explore. How my needs, rights and sense of belonging have, and have not, been met. The consequences to me, and to everyone I connect with, from my lack of self-love.