BACK ON TRACK
Life is a topsy turvy affair.
Just as I was knee-deep, wallowing around in my little starving pity party, I received feedback from my manuscript assessor regarding the first draft of my memoir – temporarily titled Stalked by Demons. Guarded by Angels | The Girl with the Eating Disorder. I figure the title should be as verbacious as all my other written work.
In short, the feedback has been inspiring. It’s peppered with phrases like, I was floored, glued to this book, something very rare, a devastating read, writing is superlative.
I started eating again the next morning.
It is in fact, a little overwhelming to receive and respond to that type of feedback. There are obviously issues I need to attend to as it’s the first draft and to be perfectly honest, I was tired towards the end and didn’t bother proofreading or including bits of information I know are extremely relevant. But the amount of work required for me to transform the book from first draft to presentable manuscript is now negligible. If I had the time, I could do it in a weekend. Assuming of course, that weekend was spent secluded in a writing haven.
It is interesting how quick the flip is in mindset. A few misplaced words can call forth the eating disorder voice that starts screaming, See! You’ll never amount to anything – you’re too fat to succeed. And a few more words can tip the balance back and let reason start advocating, See! There is a future for you after all.
I’m still a bit of a splattered mess – eating erratically and going through the exhaustive internal dialogues of should I/shouldn’t I, will I/won’t I until my brain explodes and I think, Just fuck it. I’ll have a pie. But I feel the ground steadying under my feet and physically I’m reaping the rewards of more regular sustenance.
Instead of being overwhelmed by food I’m now overwhelmed by words. I have so much work to do in so many capacities, and figuring out which one to prioritise is my new mental challenge. I even re-downloaded the ‘reminders’ app on my iPhone so I could get all 57 tasks out of my head and onto virtual paper before establishing a priority list.
my OCD head does love to tick boxes on to-do lists.
In preparation for the publication of my book, I merged my two websites. During the process, I lost both of them for about four days but they’re back now. I spent many an hour redesigning all the pages and forgot about the blog altogether. Once I got in here to look I discovered I really don’t like the layout but I’m not redesigning everything again now. That can be next week’s job – this week I need to write. Lots and lots of writing.
The other downside to merging and moving my websites is losing all my followers. There looks to be a way of transferring them across but I can’t seem to make it work. So if you’re here reading, I’m glad you made it!
In the scheme of world problems however, these are very small. So this update is just to say I’m back, things are changing, my book has made progress, and I’m glad you’re here.
