Recovery / Spirituality

WELCOME TO THE NEW YEAR

I used to be gung ho about making New Years’ resolutions – now I know better.

I am old and wise. But that is not to say this is not a good time to reflect on the year that has been and put behind me those moments I never wish to see again. We all have a few of those – of that, I am quite sure. And to look ahead to new beginnings for the year ahead and make plans for both the would-be hedonist who loves to live it up whenever she has the opportunity and the practical lass who knows we all have responsibilities and that – occasionally – bills must be paid.

Before I get into the nitty gritty, here’s a speedy catch up on where I’ve been the past ten days. I’ll see if I can explain in 100 words.

Preparing for Christmas. Delightful holiday away for three nights. Zombied out on this stupid new drug. Going downhill rapidly on this hateful new drug. Sleeping a lot on this useless new drug. Bingeing, purging, gaining weight, and starting to drink, while taking a drug designed to reduce compulsive behaviours. Complaining a lot about this new drug. Increasing issues with depression and anxiety. Sleeping some more. Having a hangover and sleeping some more. Feeling proud of myself for unstacking the dishwasher. Making plans for 2018 that don’t involve sleeping or taking this stupid new drug. Drafting a letter to my psychiatrist.

I won’t mention this drug any more. It’s boring. Let’s just say – I hate it. This too shall pass. I have to wait and see what the psychiatrist says. Right now it’s Sunday. New Year’s Eve… Onto more interesting topics.

The year about to come to a very gentle close, has been a very gentle year. Nothing chaotic, dreadful or catastrophic took place in my little world. For that I am eternally thankful.

My grandmother passed from this earthly realm to be with all her most beloved – her 98 year body now at eternal rest with my mother and sister. I am employed. My children are all legal adults. My husband still talks to me. As does my cat. The house is still standing. The car still goes – just. We have good health. We have the means to comfortably feed and house ourselves. We are more comfortable than the vast majority of souls on this planet. I must never forget the luxuries afforded to me for no greater reason than the country in which I was born.

Western privilege does not always bring happiness however, and for the previous two years I was in the midst of a complete breakdown.

This year I have slowly pieced myself back together and tentatively wondered if it was okay to feel okay. If I stood up for a moment, was something going to knock me down again. And you know what? For a whole year nothing knocked me down. So I feel a whole lot less wobbly. Cool huh?

So that’s where I’ve been in 2017 – finding my wobbly feet. I don’t make resolutions any more, because I no longer believe in them. But I do like to have a few little goals to aim for and I would like to make a little public declaration here of my goals for 2018 – cleverly buried at the end of this post so not too many people will notice them.

As many of you know, writing is my new passion. I am hoping to incorporate writing into my world – as part of my recovery but also as a means to generate a bit of income. And I don’t mean I think I’m going to become a famous author next week – the drug hasn’t made me that deluded yet! I have another idea.

Here’s my plan for 2018.

1. I’m enrolled in a masterclass where at the end of the year I will have completed a draft for my first book – this time next year, watch this space. I don’t commit to things I don’t complete.
2. I have every intention of continuing to regularly write in this blog – but I would like to take the focus away from mental health. However, I would like to continue the focus on mental health writing by sending articles to The Mighty and Recovery Warriors etc. Who may or may not publish them. That is fine. I’m not precious.
3. I would like to start writing short stories for various magazines and online publications. Again – they may or may not publish. That is fine. I’m not precious.
4. Obviously none of the above will earn me a single penny – of that I am painfully aware. I do need to earn a little money – of that I am also painfully aware. This is where my last idea comes in – one that merges money and writing. I’m spending the next three months finalising the details of a business for writing people’s biographies. I won’t go into too much detail. I’m getting really tired again. (Stupid drug…) I’ve finished one biography and started the website. I need to trial three more biographies then research the printing aspect of it. I know I won’t become a millionaire, but honestly – that’s not what I want. I just need a little extra cash.
5. I also keep being asked to assist people (small businesses) with their websites (proofreading and copy writing etc). This is something I love doing. I wouldn’t do it day and in and day out. But helping someone clean up their website and teach them how to use the software is something I love doing – every now and again. Extra cash comes in handy as well. And proofreading is something I am also very, very good at 🙂

Oh my gosh – my brain is dissolving now. It’s three hours and nine minutes until the new year rolls around – in Australia. I will surely be in the land of nod by then. May 2018 fill your heart with joy, your house with sunshine and your skies with rainbows. Much love to you all my friends.