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Tag: recovery

DREAM WRITING

Today I did some dream writing. It was a technique I learned through Joanne when I did her Seven Day Challenge. I was super teary and tired when I started the day today. It’s been a bit of a rough road but you know – that’s life. These things happen. It’ll be fine. I knew I needed to do some writing and couldn’t think of what I needed to write. So I thought I would do some dream writing – I want to mix and match a lot of writing over the period of this January challenge (have I mentioned the January challenge is to write a thousand words every single day? Which doesn’t daunt me in the least. But I don’t want to write the same thousand words in the same boring place every day.) So today I thought – dream writing. And I did. Dream writing involves setting a timer for a set period of time (just 15 minutes today), starting with a “prompt”, and then letting your hand flow across the page for the entire time without stopping or resting or going back at all – just an unbroken stream of thoughts. I wrote the prompt “In the clinic I hope to…” and then my hand flew across the page for fifteen minutes with the following stream of consciousness.

MELANCHOLY

I’m consumed with sadness today. I know it’s the stupid drug, but fuck it’s annoying. On the upside, the psychiatrist rang and said to wean myself off and I’m being admitted into the inpatient eating disorder unit instead. It’s a strange world where that seems like a good thing – right?

WELCOME TO THE NEW YEAR

I used to be gung ho about making New Years’ resolutions – now I know better. I am old and wise. But that is not to say this is not a good time to reflect on the year that has been and put behind me those moments I never wish to see again. We all have a few of those – of that I am quite sure. And to look ahead to new beginnings for the year ahead and make plans for both the would-be hedonist who loves to live it up whenever she has the opportunity, and the practical lass who knows we all have responsibilities and that – occasionally – bills must be paid.

I WANNA BE THIS DOG

Wanna know what my anxiety looks like? I had an unpleasant moment at work today, then later realised I’d spent the entire day on edge as a result of that one moment. For the whole day I was slightly teary, heart pounding, wanting to punish or numb myself, and counting the minutes until I could get out of there. I felt frozen to the spot and terrified of opening my mouth – just hoping the earth would swallow me whole. This is a scenario I am all too familiar with.

FEED ME

We all have physical hunger and we all need to feed it. The body needs nourishment in order to function. Feed it badly, it will treat you badly. Feed it well and you’re on the road to good health. If you’ve nourished your body regularly over the years, you experience appropriate hunger cues. Haven’t eaten? Your belly will grumble. Overeaten? You’ll feel uncomfortable – and stop eating.

NOT BROKEN. STUCK

I’ve started a course in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy and while I’m very early in the process (halfway through week one 😀 ) I have already found a lovely little snippet that really resonated with me. And I mean REALLY resonated!

I’m not broken. I’m stuck.

WHERE TO NOW?

The trouble with falling down a big pit is once you get back out, the rest of the world moved on and you’re still thinking about the pit. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy to be out of that dark place! But I’ve forgotten how to live in the light.

ILLUSIONS & ILLUMINATIONS

I’m fortunate I have connections and love in my life – I am very blessed in this department. As a child, love was conditional and I felt emotionally disconnected, which had a big impact on me. But I am no longer a child, and now have strong, loving relationships and connections. I cannot imagine where I would be without those connections. In fact, I cannot imagine I would be here without them.