RECOVERY DREAM
Recovery is a dream. A distant, foreign concept. A world of freedom I desperately want to live in, but struggle to believe will ever […]
Tag: recovery
MONDAY MORNING MANTRAS
I am entering into a phase of recovery (ie the beginning…) where I am doggedly determined to embark upon this road and make […]
FREEDOM
I live in a house, surrounded by nature. I sit in bed of a morning, watching native birds sing in the tree outside my bedroom window. I can see the water. I can hear the waves. I can watch the sunrise. These things are always here. They always have been. I’ve lived in this house for 16 years.
THE SCALES OF JUSTICE
I am a prisoner in a cell of my own making. Each morning, I stand upon the Scales of Justice to determine […]
BROKEN WINGS
Today I cried. I cried because I could feel the hard, solid, shell I have spent decades plastering around every inch of me cracking, leaving me soft and vulnerable, and revealing a very broken pair of wings.
HOW CAN I TELL IF I’M WELL
When I have a cold, it’s obvious I’m sick. And when it goes away, it’s obvious it’s gone. When I have depression, […]
TRIGGERED
I’ve been triggered. My bulimic behaviours are regressing. THIS IS BOTH GOOD AND BAD Bad, because I’ve fallen deep into the well […]
THE METAPHORICAL FENCE
I feel like I’m perched on a metaphorical fence – staring down at recovery, staring down at illness, and trying to decide […]
SHEDDING THE BURDEN OF SHAME
A year ago I was a mess. A great big psychological mess. I was heading towards a breakdown and a stay in […]
SECURITY BLANKETS
I still live in fear the shit will hit the fan again. I’m finding it hard to let go of the fear someone will die, or my kids will get into trouble, or someone will become really ill, or I’ll lose my job, or I’ll be in a high-conflict situation, or we’ll have a financial disaster, or my marriage will fail, or any one of the other major stresses I’ve been struck with will knock me down again. And again. Despite the fact that so far in 2017, I have had nothing but positive news, I’m still fearful.
A GUIDING LIGHT
The quirky and delightful Mindfump has requested stories about supportive and inspirational individuals in the world of mental health recovery. I have been blessed […]
TOOLS VS RULES
I have a habit of setting arbitrary rules for myself. It comes from a place of good intent – I decide I […]
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
I am trying to figure out why I indulge in actions that disgust me, but I do anyway. Sure – most of them are inherent behaviours. But I’m not as silly as I look – I do have the capacity to learn and change. My mental health stuff has become appallingly resistant to change. There is nothing we do that is without benefit to us. Nothing. Even all those things we do “for other people”, it turns out, there is also something in it for us.
MY STORY ISN’T OVER YET
I grew up in a pretty normal, conservative, middle-class household. My parents weren’t super strict. Or super lenient. They were just sort of – […]
HEART OPEN PLEASE ENTER
There’s a little glimmer of warmth, burrowing into my chest. And a chink of light, peeking into my spirit. If I listen carefully I can almost hear a heart-warming song. It has taken me awhile to recognise it – the song of hope. Unfamiliar. Really scary. Really positive. Hope.