See that picture? That’s my toes. Pointing at a blank spot. A blank spot where my scales have sat since we renovated the bathroom about 12 years ago. (Before that they sat somewhere else…) For as long as I can remember, I have weighed myself first thing every morning – day in day out. Like clockwork. A special, comforting routine. I’d climb out of bed, empty bladder, strip naked, stare at fateful numbers.
For anyone who hasn’t noticed, I have been struggling. Struggling with the concept of recovery. With freedom. With any kind of belief […]
Self-care. It’s the buzzword of the 21st century. I guess because a lot of us suck at it… There are over 242 words […]
I need to binge. I want to binge. I’m going to binge … says Mia … Why? … whispers Reason … Why? We do […]
I dream that one day I will be freed from the shackles of anxiety’s chaos. Freed from the pounding heart, shallow breaths […]
Sometimes I worry that the reason I struggle with recovery, is I don’t want to recover. And sometimes I worry that the […]
Today I awoke to the sight of little brown furry ears resting on my pillow, peering out the window at the rising […]
I have a body. As I said once before, it has served me faithfully all my years. I have been blessed with strong bones, good teeth, a great immune system and most excellent health. I am indeed extremely fortunate.
I live in a house, surrounded by nature. I sit in bed of a morning, watching native birds sing in the tree outside my bedroom window. I can see the water. I can hear the waves. I can watch the sunrise. These things are always here. They always have been. I’ve lived in this house for 16 years.
I am a prisoner in a cell of my own making. Each morning, I stand upon the Scales of Justice to determine […]
Today I cried. I cried because I could feel the hard, solid, shell I have spent decades plastering around every inch of me cracking, leaving me soft and vulnerable, and revealing a very broken pair of wings.
I’ve been triggered. My bulimic behaviours are regressing. THIS IS BOTH GOOD AND BAD Bad, because I’ve fallen deep into the well […]
A year ago I was a mess. A great big psychological mess. I was heading towards a breakdown and a stay in […]
“Are you on a diet?”
I was 22 years old. I was not on a diet. I was not overweight. Yet…
It was Christmas Day and I was away from my family. Invited to a friend’s house for the day, I met a lovely Japanese couple. His English wasn’t the greatest and when I said I didn’t eat meat, he asked if I was on a diet. It was an innocent question – and his wife quickly jumped in to clarify. He was asking if I had dietary restrictions. I did. I was vegetarian.
Within a year I was also bulimic.
I have a habit of setting arbitrary rules for myself. It comes from a place of good intent – I decide I […]
