Depression / Mental Health

DEAR DEPRESSION…

… I thought you’d gone away. I thought we had a little chat and I told you we can’t be friends any more. Why did you come back? And when are you going to leave?

While you were gone, I had the energy to get out of bed and do stuff. You know? Like wash my hair. Plug the vacuum cleaner in. Talk to my husband.

Without you around, I felt motivated to look forward in life. To think about what my future might look like. To make plans. To start to dream.

Without you I have time for other things and for other people.

I’d like you to vacate my spirit so there is room left for laughter, for joy. Contentment, peace, happiness. Space for me to focus on tasks at hand and to take pride in my accomplishments. While you have residence in my soul, none of this is possible.

I don’t want you around quite frankly. I know that sounds dreadfully rude, and I don’t like to be impolite, but there’s no other way to put it.

I’d like my energy back. I want the weight across my shoulders to be lifted.

I’d like my desire back. I want the spark of cheekiness I once possessed to return.

I’d like my faith, hope and love back. I deserve them

You’re taking away belief in myself again. You’re taking away my faith and hope that I can find and walk the recovery road.

With the warmth of your stale breath caressing my neck, I can’t focus on the positives in my life. With the tight grasp you have around my chest, I can’t face the fears I currently have.

I mean this with much love, and much sincerity, but please – I beg you – go away. I didn’t ask for you to be here. I don’t choose for you to stay. I’ve tried to protect myself against you. And now – now I’m asking you to leave.

And this time, when you do go, please take your buddy Anxiety with you. You two get on really well. I’m not sure why you came back but go. Just go… Please.