I believe my bodyguard is Coco. He is a cat. A beautiful, loving, devoted cat who considers himself human. He is intelligent and devoted and loyal. He loves without condition and demonstrates self-care without an ounce of regret or indecision.
It is absolutely true that many people who commence recovery – from anything – progress at a faster rate. They make changes and those changes stick, perhaps with some small relapses, but a fairly linear recovery process. That’s awesome – I wish I was one of those people! But I’m not…
When I’m not going forward in recovery, I’m perfectly happy to accept sideways. Because moving sideways is not going backwards.
Well, ladies and gentlemen – and those who do not confidently or comfortably fit into traditional categories – my thanks and gratitude […]
To eat or not to eat. That is the question.Choose. To write or not to write.Choose. Work. Sleep. Play.Choose. Delivered unscathed from the maternal womb. […]
Everything we do in life, we do because it’s the thing we want to do the most at the time. When I choose to binge or purge, at the moment in time it is preferable to being healthy. I’m getting something out of it – numbing my emotions, punishing myself, weight control. There’s always something that feels like a positive – a backhanded false positive.
I feel like I’m barely holding on at the moment. Clinging on with my fingernails to whatever I can. I am exhausted. […]
If the universe was reasonable, it would allow me to “fully recover” before throwing curve balls in my direction. Unfortunately the universe […]
As soon as I make a little bit of progress – and find a few moments of hope and belief – I seem determined to crash and burn, just to prove to myself recovery is either impossible, or impossibly difficult.
I am coming to the end of an eight week online course for recovery from binge eating and/or bulimia. I am about […]
Depression is so dreary. I’m sure everyone is bored with it. When I share how shitty I feel, people try to cheer […]
I’ve been in a consistently downward spiral of late. Many people I know in “real” life are now reading this blog, so I […]
No words today. On any given day – in any random order – for no apparent reason – I feel…
Today I had a desperate, desperate urge to restrict. It was really important to me. I nearly did. I ate breakfast. Then […]
I have a lot of pain at the moment – I may even have to start admitting my pain is chronic. I’m hesitant to accept that label though – it feels like giving up. But when I’m in pain all the time, I feel tired all the time. And when I’m tired all the time, I have declines with mental health stuff. And of course if you know the first thing about me, you’ll know most of my mental health stuff revolves around eating issues.
