SIDLING ALONG
When I’m not going forward in recovery, I’m perfectly happy to accept sideways. Because moving sideways is not going backwards.
Tag: hope
THE NEVER ENDING STORY
As soon as I make a little bit of progress – and find a few moments of hope and belief – I seem determined to crash and burn, just to prove to myself recovery is either impossible, or impossibly difficult.
NEARLY
Today I had a desperate, desperate urge to restrict. It was really important to me. I nearly did. I ate breakfast. Then […]
I DREAM
I dream that one day I will be freed from the shackles of anxiety’s chaos. Freed from the pounding heart, shallow breaths […]
FREEDOM
I live in a house, surrounded by nature. I sit in bed of a morning, watching native birds sing in the tree outside my bedroom window. I can see the water. I can hear the waves. I can watch the sunrise. These things are always here. They always have been. I’ve lived in this house for 16 years.
THE SCALES OF JUSTICE
I am a prisoner in a cell of my own making. Each morning, I stand upon the Scales of Justice to determine […]
BROKEN WINGS
Today I cried. I cried because I could feel the hard, solid, shell I have spent decades plastering around every inch of me cracking, leaving me soft and vulnerable, and revealing a very broken pair of wings.
FOR THE LOVE OF A CAT
I may not be a dog person, but I am acutely aware of the joy, love and hope a beloved pet can […]
BUCKET LIST
I mentioned a few weeks ago that it’s time I wrote a bucket list. So here I go… Things I want to […]
MY STORY ISN’T OVER YET
I grew up in a pretty normal, conservative, middle-class household. My parents weren’t super strict. Or super lenient. They were just sort of – […]
HEART OPEN PLEASE ENTER
There’s a little glimmer of warmth, burrowing into my chest. And a chink of light, peeking into my spirit. If I listen carefully I can almost hear a heart-warming song. It has taken me awhile to recognise it – the song of hope. Unfamiliar. Really scary. Really positive. Hope.
THINGS I’M GETTING RIGHT
It’s so easy to focus on everything that goes wrong, everything that still needs to be fixed, and how big the fricking recovery mountain is!
It’s so easy to regret the decades where I didn’t seek recovery or acknowledge the severity of my problems. And to bemoan my many failed attempts at change, the misunderstandings of my own behaviours and those of others. To look back in frustration at not having the wisdom or strength to question my thoughts and feelings and actions.
TO HEAL OR NOT TO HEAL – THAT IS THE QUESTION
Anyone who has never experienced mental health issues, probably finds this to be a staggering question – why wouldn’t you want to recover?! Who would want to stay “sick”? Well – I am struggling to heal – and I don’t want to stay sick – but I also can’t seem to recover. Don’t worry – it makes no sense to me either!
FAITH, HOPE & LOVE
I don’t know if love makes all things easy, but I do believe that combined with faith and hope, it could just make all things possible. And in 2017, I hope all manner of possible things bless you and me.